If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
