One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
