Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
