It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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