apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
