Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
