Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
