so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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