Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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