Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no you cant smoke seaweed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
