Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
