Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
