Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
