MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
