I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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