i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
