why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
