Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
