i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
