I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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