Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
