small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
