im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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