You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize