my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
