Soap is not a condiment
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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