So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
