Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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