Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
