He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
