I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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