Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
