I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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