WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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