yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
