next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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