I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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