Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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