I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pants are for mortals
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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