I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
