Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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