Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
