Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
