my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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