I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
