I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
