I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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