And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My bed smells like the plague
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
