Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
