I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
third nipple confirmed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
