3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize