the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
