look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
