we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
