i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
