Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
