Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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