Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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