it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
