very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
