About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
