I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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