There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
