the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
