hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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