Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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