Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
