that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
