Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
