he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
