She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
