What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
