I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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