Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
