Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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