Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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