I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
