I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In America we eat man semen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
