He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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