I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
operation have a gay friend backfired
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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