I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
