my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
where are my eyebrows?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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