i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
