How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
