If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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